More than 30 years ago, I began working with children of divorce as, first a mediator, and then the director of the country’s largest court-affiliated family mediation department, in Chicago. I had come to realize that the most powerful advocates for thoughtful divorce, divorce that lessens stress in childrens’ lives instead of adding more, were the children themselves. I searched in vain for a book that would let the childrens’ words speak to this -- in a very real sense, speak truth to power. I came up empty. That is from where the idea came for what became my book, Voices of Children of Divorce, which was published in 2000. Since then, I have waited to see others follow, because, while I am proud of what the book accomplished thanks to the children and young adults who allowed me to share their thoughts and stories, one book is only one book -- there was so much more ground to be covered. But if other such volumes came out, they escaped my notice. Until now. FINALLY, another book not only widens the view of experiences and the participants through interviews and contextualization, Family Redefined is a book FOR OUR TIME. Though many core issues, especially pertaining to the emotional impact of separation and divorce, remain the same, the world of families and divorce has changed in a generation because our world has changed. And many court systems have changed to reflect this. For just one example, in Cook County, Illinois (Chicago and suburbs), the words Custody and Visitation are no longer used, replaced by the legal terms Parenting Responsibility and Parenting Time. And as society has changed, Kimberly Ewertz has kept up. Her book speaks to both universal issues of parenting and child rearing through the most difficult possible circumstances, and to families navigating these waters in our current world -- and suggests how these issues can and should be approached today. And she does it through the eyes, ears and voices of those who have the most acute experience with this world -- the families and, most importantly, the children. Bravo Kimberly, and bravo the brave souls whose experiences they were willing to share so deeply. You and they will be of genuine help to countless others, both families and the professionals helping them.
- Dr. David Royko, author, Voices of Children of Divorce (St. Martin’s Press)
“I highly recommend Kimberly Ewertz, Family Redefined: Childhood Reflections on the Impact of Divorce, as a unique and valuable resource for parents navigating divorce with children. In Family Redefined, Ewertz builds on a solid foundation of research and interviews, with fully-realized scenes that bring her case studies to life on the page. Chronicling the experiences of adult men and women who weathered their parents’ difficult divorces, the author presents their still-vivid memories of a painful time, as well as their adult perspectives. She then provides relevant insights from Marriage and Family Therapists and Licensed Clinical Social Workers, and her own lessons-learned from a difficult divorce when her son (now an adult) was ten. Having divorced twice myself (many years ago), both times with small children to consider and protect, I would have found solace, needed resources and sound, practical advice in Kimberly Ewertz, Family Redefined. “
-Dorothy Rice, author of the Small Press Distribution best-seller, Gray Is the New Black: A Memoir of Self-Acceptance (Otis Books, 2019), and The Reluctant Artist (Shanti Arts, 2015). https://dorothyriceauthor.com
Each short story provides an opportunity for the reader to relate personally to their divorce experience, and to have a sense of validation. Practical insight is also offered for those going through divorce, and their loved ones. Kimberly shares her deep honest thoughts, where she offers the opportunity for someone else to find healing that she has found herself.
-Christine Morris, Marriage and Family Therapist Associate #116780
This book touched my heart in different ways. The first: Ewertz ability to transport the reader into the personal story and pain of the men and women that were brave enough to share their stories. The second: this book gives me guidance and insight as I walk alongside my daughter, son in-law, and three grandchildren through their legal separation. I especially feel the chapter, “The Experts Weigh In,” will be valuable in this process as I remind them to focus on their love for their children, that it remains stronger than their anger for one another. They both will be receiving a copy of this book as soon as it is published. Third: as the Local Mission Director, at a local church, I plan to keep a handful of these books on my bookshelf so I may hand them out to folks that come in looking for support from the pain of going through divorce, or an adult seeking solace from childhood hurts.
-Tammy Stone, Mission Director, South Valley Community Church
Ewertz truly captures Ellen’s story of emotional turmoil as she adjusted to her parents’ divorce. Her story is a prime example of the subsequent life-long changes that result when there is not stability in the home and the psychological impact this causes to children that often continues into adulthood.
-Betsy Becker, Writer/Motivational Blogger
The chapter, Katniss, captures the essence of the turmoil facing children of divorce, as well as the long-lasting effects that they endure even years later. Ewertz parallels perfectly her own divorce experience to help the reader understand the true depth of the pain caused by divorce, as well as the importance of communication and unconditional love throughout the healing process.
-Luke Niedringhaus
Family Redefined is clearly a labor of love for Kimberly Ewertz. The reading of Ms. Ewertz’s book is similar to group therapy in the written form in that it is full of people’s personal accounts of the impacts of divorce, provides input from professional therapists, and contains many ways in which people have found meaningful support and positive relationships. Ms. Ewertz has achieved her goal of creating a work that can help readers potentially feel less isolated as the result of divorce and more connected to those with similar life experiences. Further, this compilation of diverse life journeys helps to position the reader to self-identify their own feelings and feel reassured that while they were not responsible for their parents’ divorce they are responsible for their own journey towards healing.
-Jennifer Grier, LCSW
In a large field of self-help books written for divorcing parents, Ms. Ewertz’ thoughtful study of its effects on children stands out in its very personalized and honest accounting, not only through adult interviewees’ experiences, but also through recollections from her adult son. Substantiated by family therapists’ clinical observations of divorce’s impact on children, the book helps us more deeply understand how children are affected and shaped by this life-changing event, and how we might provide a healthier transition and outcome for them. An engaging book that’s at once heartfelt and educational.
-Jayne Marsh, LMFT Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist
Family Redefined is a helpful resource to divorcing parents as they seek to support their children. Most parents worry about the effect of their decision on their children’s welfare. Ewertz approaches this very sensitive subject with compassionate insight from her own experiences, as well as professional guidance from therapists. Ewertz tells the real life stories of individuals who are children of divorce, sharing their thoughts and feelings, both past and present. Weaving in the comments of therapists brings insight to the effect of parent choices and guidance in how to nurture health for these families who are redefined by these changes. I particularly appreciated her reflections on her own divorce in each chapter. She realized the dynamics of divorce were much more complicated for her son than she knew or understood. Family Redefined is her gift of insight and guidance to those who are currently in the midst of it as a help along the way.
-Vicki Minerva, LMFT, https://www.vickiminerva.com/
"This book captures the painful but important, often untold stories of children and their experiences of divorce. Ewertz offers additional talking points for parents who are aiming to reduce the negative impact of divorce on their children. A must read for both adults of childhood divorce and for parents embarking on this challenging life course."
-Linnea Terranova, Psy. D, and founder of Wellspring Psychological Services
Family Redefined: Childhood Reflections on the Impact of Divorce offers readers an in-depth exploration of divorce. Ten adults, each with a unique story and family dynamic, tell their personal accounts of divorce from their own life. Told with honesty and candor, often painful and overwhelming, we step into their shoes as they navigate the changes divorce brings to their daily life, their family, and their journey to adulthood. Each chapter concludes with the author’s thoughts of her own journey of divorce with her child, and offers the wisdom that parents and children can, “emerge from these trials and tribulations all the stronger.”An excellent conversation starter this book can facilitate complex and interesting discussions about the emotions and changes divorce brings. For parents and support groups this book offers validation that you are not alone and a heartfelt hope that families can heal through open and honest discussion.
-Sharon Kelly, Librarian
Ewertz has written a wise and wildly insightful book about divorce and its effects on the lives of those involved—the parents and especially the children.
-Seth Harwood, bestselling author of In Broad Daylight, Jack Wakes Up, and The Maltese Jordans
"Ewertz writes with confident self-awareness as she injects her research and personal reflections into each story featured in Family Redefined. She relays the painful and triumphant experiences of children of divorce with care, dignity, and insight. Family Redefined will be a useful tool for those on a path toward healing the wounds of divorce."
- Anne Bigley Chand, MLIS